The Crime of the Fantasy
by Karu Leonnese
Summary: Songficcy about the trial of Aeris' murder. Will Cloud remeber things long enough to testify for Sephy? I should be crushed by tap-dancing Moogles for this one...


The Crime of the Fantasy  
  
by Karuri-chan, Onna No Baka  
  
Notes: Yes, I am aware how stupid this is...no one can really get this unless they know their history, or have seen the musical Ragtime. Gomen, but it's still kinda funny...  
  
WARNINGS: This fic contains yaoi, Aeris-bashing, and a touch of Cloud- bashing. Most people take it in good fun. If this sort of thing offends you, don't read it. Go read up on the First Ammendment of the Bill of Rights (i.e. FREEDOM OF PRESS).. Thank you.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own FF of any kind, Ragtime or any of its songs, nor anything related to the law. I do own this parody, twisted as it is, and I'd appreciate it if you'd not take it. Want to use it? Ask me and I'll let ya, after getting you some couseling.  
  
And on we go...  
  
  
  
[ We enter in a courtroom scene. The trial is for the murder of Aeris Gainsbourogh. Sephiroth stands as the accused. Vincent is the judge, Tifa is the defense and Reeve is the prosecuter. Yuffie is the stenographer and Cid is the court judge. Everyone else is sitting in the jury and the audience.]  
  
Tifa: The defense calls Cloud Strife to the stand.  
  
[No one moves.]  
  
Tifa: [turns to Cid] A little help?  
  
Cid: Right.  
  
[He goes to the audeince and plucks out Cloud, and dumps him uncerimoniously on the witness stand.]  
  
Tifa: Cloud?  
  
Cloud: [blinks] Oh? Are you talking to me?  
  
Tifa: [growls] Yes! You are Cloud! Now, CLOUD, tell us what you know...[sighs] what you remember about Aeris' death.  
  
[Music starts from nowhere. Cloud smiles at Vincent, who winces at the obvious song cue. Cloud starts to sing.]  
  
Cloud: Your Honor,  
  
I was once Miss Aeris' shining knight  
  
Tifa: She's the Cetra's one last hope?  
  
Cloud: Yes, that's right  
  
Selling flowers in a Midgar slum  
  
She's was nice, but, well, kinda dumb  
  
Glad I got to her before some bum  
  
Your Honor,  
  
Then I went and met a man named Sephiroth  
  
Reeve: [points to Sephy] Lab project gone insane  
  
Cid/Yuffie: Oh! Oh!  
  
Cloud: Sephy's a jealous guy  
  
Cid/Yuffie: Chop! Slice!  
  
Cloud: Cut her from low to high  
  
Cid/Yuffie: Boo-hoo!  
  
Cloud: Your Honor, be fair-  
  
My Sephy went crazy, I swear!  
  
Everyone: Now it's the crime of the Fantasy  
  
Crime of the Fantasy  
  
Giving the game a thrill  
  
Cloud: Sephy's in trouble  
  
Put Aeris in teh Lifestream  
  
And Cloud will have a Mako ill!  
  
All: The crime of the Fantasy  
  
Crime of the Fantasy  
  
All for a yaoi fling!  
  
Rage so came  
  
From that weird-ass name  
  
Cloud: And now I forget everything!  
  
Whee!  
  
Cid/Yuffie: Oh! Oh!  
  
Cloud: Aeris, she did love me  
  
Tifa/Reeve: Slice! Chop!  
  
Cloud: Now she's a memory  
  
Cid/Yuffie/Tifa/Reeve: Boo-hoo!  
  
Cloud: Your Honor, be kind-  
  
My Sephy was out of his mind!  
  
All: Now it's the crime of the Fantasy  
  
Crime of the Fantasy  
  
Making gamers go "Whee!"  
  
Sephy's in trouble  
  
Put Aeris in the Lifestream  
  
Cloud: And Cloud's an amnesia mercenary!  
  
All: The crime of the Fantasy  
  
Crime of the Fantasy  
  
Not such an awful thing...  
  
Cloud: Aeris was killed  
  
But Tifa's not thrilled  
  
'Cause now I forget every-  
  
Now I forget everything!  
  
WHEE!!!!  
  
[Song ends.]  
  
Vincent: Well, jury? What's the verdict?  
  
Red: [stands from the jury's box] We, the jury, find the defendant, not guilty!  
  
Vincent: Okay, then. I'm letting this go, because I'm afraid he'll start singing again... [bangs mallet-thing on the desk] Now get!  
  
Tifa: [jumps up] Sephy, we won!  
  
Sephiroth: Yes! No one can convict me! Bwahahahaha!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: o.O...  
  
Sephiroth: Er..I mean...justice is served. Right, Cloud?  
  
[Cloud is still sitting at the witness stand]  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud?  
  
Cloud: Who, me?  
  
Everyone: [facefaults]  
  
  
  
*FIN*  
  
  
  
Notes: Now wasn't that just...odd? Please R&R, if only to flame my insanity. It gets lonely here in Crazy Land...I've only got Cloud to talk to.  
  
Cloud: Who?  
  
*sigh* See what I mean? Well, Ja ne and all that stuffz.  
  
~KSONB  
  
Originally Published: 1-24-02 


End file.
